Tips from Social Anxiety research to help you empower yourself and be more brave
I'm a mindset coach and I've also struggled with my own social anxiety in the past. I wanted to share one of the most helpful books I've read on managing social anxiety "How to be yourself" by Ellen Hendriksen, PhD.
I found the following strategy helpful for spiraling and catastrophizing, especially right before big presentations/trainings or going to social events. (The 3 questions are paraphrased from the book, and added to with my own thoughts.)
Walk yourself through the following questions:
1. What are you really afraid of?
When you're anxious, you don't usually fully spell out what in fact you are scared of. Naming your fears can be helpful to see them in a new light and give you something you can get a grasp of. E.g. they're gonna laugh at me, roll their eyes, give massive resting bitch face, think I'm terrible etc.
2. How likely is this to actually happen?
Often it's not very likely, but your brain lies to you because it wants to keep you safe and not trying new, scary things! Catastrophize! Blow it all out of proportion! Stay small and don't do anything new! People are also faaaaaaaarrrr less likely to pay as much attention to you as you think, and they are way more self-obsessed than your brain tells you. It's not always about you, lulz.
3. If it does happen, how would you handle it?
This is my absolute favorite step. You are so much stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for, and even if your worst fears were to come true, you would handle it. It might be really hard, but you would handle it. Knowing this can be really empowering and can help you do scary things from a place of bravery rather than feeling small and scared.
And, I would suggest an additional step from sports psychology: when your inner critic pops up, or you start spiraling again, focus on visualizing it working out. See yourself doing the hard thing well, and handling the tough situations you worry about with grace. What you tell your brain it will start to believe, so be careful what you spend your time imagining, and harness this power for good.
Here's to doing more hard things with bravery. You may still be scared, but doing it anyway is what makes you brave. 💪