Please stop being your own worst enemy

You say yes when you actually kind of don’t want to, or you don’t have time.

You feel responsible for how other people feel and making sure they feel better. 

You feel guilty for prioritizing yourself or your wants. 

You beat yourself up for the smallest mistakes or missteps.

You put other people’s needs and goals at the top of your to-do list.

Do you see yourself in these behaviors? 

I promise, especially if you identify as female, you are not alone. These are all things we have learned from society, from our mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmas. Whether we are told or shown, this is what it looks like to be liked. To be a good woman, mother, friend. 

But it’s not so easy to just stop. 

These ways of thinking and acting are so deeply ingrained it can be hard to even recognize when you are doing them.

If you have been actively shutting down your own needs and interests for years to prioritize the people around you, do you even know what they are? Do you know what you like, what you want, what you don’t want?

Brains are wired to go on autopilot as much as possible for efficiency. If you don’t actively pay attention and proactively choose how you show up in the world and how you spend your time, you will wake up years down the road and wonder where the time went. 

And all you’ll have to show for it is exhaustion, missed opportunities, and resentment.

What if instead you decide to be your own cheerleader. Your own best supporter and advocate. 

Start paying attention to what you want. Allow yourself to dream if you’re not sure what that might be. Challenge yourself to new experiences, and decide if they light you up or not. Practice saying no. And start talking to yourself like you are your own best friend. 

Making big, audacious, intentional changes like this is hard work. It’s hard because it’s not a one time choice, it’s lots of little choices every day to do the hard thing, to say no (or yes!), to start checking in with yourself first before you make a decision. And it’s hard because it’s murky and difficult to recognize when you’re falling back into old behaviors.

But it’s also ok to start small. As long as you start. Because you know what? If you don’t, no one else is coming to save you. 

Will 2025 be the year you choose you?