Learned helplessness vs. grilled cheese...

How do you make grilled cheese? As a kid I learned: two pieces of bread with cheese in the middle, (usually burned from impatience).

Last week, I made an open-face baked cheese sandwich in the air fryer. So much better! Perfect every time! No burning! Way more optimal melty-cheese-to-bread ratio.

My first thought was, duh, why did I never stop to think of a better way? Why not ask myself what I wanted and how to make THAT? I just did what I always did.

Now this isn’t that big of a deal, my learned helplessness in the face of grilled cheese, lol. But I also know it has shown up in much more substantive ways in my life that has held me back.

Have you had experiences where you suddenly realize as an adult that you actually don’t like something (or someone) but it took you a long time to even recognize it?
👯 friends you keep hanging with even though you feel awful after?
🙂‍↔️ a partner that you haven’t even considered if your values and goals are aligned?
😖 a job you thought you should have but now you hate?

For some of us, this accepting your fate without question may be part of your survival strategy from childhood.

If you had a harsh, neglectful, or inconsistent caregiver, one thing you likely learned is that in order to survive you had to act in a certain way to get your basic needs met and to avoid making things worse.

You learned to push down and ignore your needs, so you could be more focused on others; what their moods were, how they were acting, what you needed to do to placate them, to survive day to day. And things were probably easier because you adapted yourself to your parent to keep the peace.

Now you’re an adult and wondering what you actually want; from life, your career, from a cheese and bread experience, and it feels hard to figure it out… if you even let yourself stop and ask what you really want.

When you struggle to recognize and know what your needs and wants are, and find yourself feeling frustrated and stuck, this might be a signal (hello 🚩 !) that you are due for an upgrade to your mindset and patterns of behavior.

🤔 Is there a situation where you are so focused on getting through it and minimizing the discomfort that you have never stopped to consider if you could just… not? Or could there be a different way?

If you feel stuck in life, or you want to make a change but you are so frustrated with yourself because you can’t seem to figure out what you “should” do, you may be struggling to trust your senses, your intuition, and your own needs and wants.

If you want support or help seeing other options, I would love to talk about it. Message me and we’ll set up a free call to chat about how I can help.

🥪 So, how do you make your perfect version of a grilled cheese? I wanna hear other brilliant ideas I’ve never thought of! 🧀