Are you unknowingly sabotaging yourself?
What you believe about yourself is gonna affect how you behave, sometimes in unconscious ways you don’t even notice.
Have you ever wondered whether you are capable? Or questioned your ability, or even your worthiness, to ask for that promotion? Or apply for that new job, or to seize an opportunity that appears before you? Probably, I sure have. Or you might know someone who talks constantly about how much they hate their job or their life, but whenever you offer other possibilities or suggest ways they could change, they always have an excuse as to why it won’t work for them. So they stay stuck and miserable in the same situation because they believe they “know” certain truths about themselves and the world.
This is part of your mindset. Your mindset is “a set of beliefs and self-perceptions that you hold about yourself that influences how you think, feel and behave.”
Compare the above scenario to one with someone who has an abundance of confidence and self-belief. They never seem to question their abilities or worry if they are good enough. If an opportunity presents itself, they grab it by the horns. If they hate their job, they quit. And they know they’ll be able to find a new one they like better, so why would they worry? They have a set of beliefs about themselves that influences them to take risks, to feel confident, and to take action on the opportunities that they come across.
How likely is the first person to stay stuck in a career or life they hate, and the second to keep making changes until they find the job they want with the pay they think they deserve?
You have probably heard the research that has shown that men tend to apply for jobs when they feel they have 60% of the qualifications, whereas women tend to apply only if they meet 100% of the qualifications. This stat has been making the rounds for years, usually attributed to a lack of confidence for women.
There’s a great article by Tara Sophia Mohr on HBR.com, which questions the idea that this finding is because women are not confident enough, and points to differences in how women have been socialized to think about themselves and how they are continued to be shaped by their experiences.
One example: a McKinsey report found that men are more likely to be hired or promoted based on their potential, while for women it’s their track record and experience. So if women have been seeing this happening around them at work, it makes sense that they hold the belief that they need all the qualifications: the experience and track record. They aren’t likely to be hired because they only have some of the expectations, and they don’t assume the interviewer would see their potential to learn the rest on the job. So they are less likely to apply.
This is also a great example of how your mindset may be holding you back from making the changes or taking the opportunities you want for yourself. It’s possible that women tend to be expected to have higher qualifications, but this is a generalization, not 100%. (And you’re likely downplaying your skills and abilities too, but that’s a whole other can of worms and socializations we won’t get into here!)
You carry a set of beliefs about yourself that unless you are aware of them and question them, they may be keeping you stuck without you realizing it.
(The whole article is worth reading here: https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualified)
I personally hope that this stat has gone mainstream enough that far more women are applying for opportunities when they are less than 100% ready. And I hope this is a reminder to you to question some of the assumptions you may be making that are holding you back from doing the things you want to do!
Curious to learn more about yourself and your mindset? I have a free quiz to help you figure out what type of inner critic is loudest in your head on my website here.